Category: Glitter

Man on Meth Thinks He’s In The Purge

Here’s a little story I’m sure you’ll enjoy.  It’s the typical story of man takes meth, man walks on bridge, man thinks he’s in the purge, man throws rocks at people, man gets arrested, but with no pretty girls and definitely no happy endings.

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UK Woman Suffers from Chronic “Arousal”

Meet a woman who is always….ready….and it’s not cool, man., not cool. She is in a perpetual state of ‘arousal’ and the doctors don’t know what to do for her. Not even headaches can turn her off. Not even the sound of a shoe shopping bell can alleviate her from her hungers (ok, shoe sales, yeah, that might be a tad bit sexist but I’m not running for political office so I’m sort of cool with that).
On a side note, no, I don’t have her number, her Facebook page, or twitter account name. Stop PM’ing me. Stop.

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Septuagenarian Shocks World With Win in Brazilian Beauty Pageant

Dude, sit right down right there and get ready to watch a Brazilian Beauty pageant. I bet you’re interested. I bet you’re REAL interested. Now as you sit there, picture if you will the contestants walking in. Now, really think about it. Make sure your eyes are closed. I bet I can imagine the pictures that are in your head. Now, open your eyes, because YOU get to meet the beauty pageant winner, and the person’s name is……..well… the story below. ENJOY!

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Swift Gets Her Dollar After Court Victory over Handsy DJ

After an epic struggle that spanned time and history, Taylor Swift enacted swift (well, not so swift, but her last name is Swift so everyone’s doing that so I am too) justice on her alleged DJ molestor.  She won her case and her dollar and now, everything’s right with the world.  That extra dollar now makes Taylor Swift the richest self-satisfied starlet (is she still young enough  to be a starlett) on the planet.  Bra.  Vo.  Slow, sarcastic claps only.

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