Not much is known about this story, but enough is known for it to make our Lulz files. This story comes out of Florida, so I guess we can also put it under the category of “Florida Man,” even though we don’t officially have that category (hmmmm, why don’t we have a Florida man category?).
According to those ubiquitous “authorities,” a Florida man, Alexander Sperber, 25, was fed up with the life of comedy. Having done stand up and whatever else non-famous comedians do (probably write snarky comments on Facebook), this little-known (maybe even non-known, let’s be real) comedian decided today was the day, the day that all of us wonder will ever come, the day you wake up and say yes, the weather is just about right, I got the right clothes, hair’s in the right way, everything has come together to go out and rob me a bank.
So, when everything is in bank robbery sync with the universe, that what you do. This is what our non-known comedian did (probably just after he wrote a snarky comment on Facebook about airline food and why is it called food). He mosied on down to the local bank. He actually drove, so I’m betting he had a day job to pay for that car. Anyway, he drove on down to the bank, parked his car, and ‘made a gun motion” to the teller.
Now, in the report it makes absolutely NO MENTION of what “made a gun motion” actually means. Did he sign language the word gun? Did he use flags to spell the word gun? Did he weaponize his fingers? These are the questions that keep me up late at night.
The teller, a (I presume) self-identified she, that is, a female, decided for whatever reason that “made a gun motion” was LITERALLY enough to trigger her (see what I did there?) to give the non-known comedian with a day job that at least allowed him to own a car, $4,700 in cold hard cash.
But wait…THERE’S MORE!
After the non-known comedian with a day job that at least allowed him to own a car exited the scene of the crime where “made a gun motion” was enough to trigger a self-identified she, that is, a woman, to give him $4,700, he mosied on outside and proceeded to attempt a proper getaway. But alas, there was a problem with that. The teller, though she was afraid of “made a gun motion” was not too afraid to put one of those exploding paint thingies in the bag, and, sure enough, the comedian being who he was, he triggered the explosion and found himself covered with red paint.
What’s a non-known comedian to do when he is covered in red dye and now looks like, well, a clown? Of course he took off all his clothes and did what any sane person would do, he proceeded to throw money here, there, and everywhere. It is not known if he was reveling in the absurdity of his situation or if he though somehow by throwing the money out he could somehow avoid getting caught. Either way, dude got arrested, sadly.
Which reminds me of a song, which is how I think I’ll end this file of the lulz.