From our “yeah, we seriously need the state to keep order” files comes this gem about the FCC, that’s Federal Communications Commission. Them there guys is the experts (yes, my grammar is INTENTIONALLY BAD, so don’t email me to correct it) on that there communications stuff.
Without the coercive enterprise’s trustworthy department known as the FCC, how would we manage our own communications affairs? Why, we would have SOMALIA on the freaking airways? Who would build the communications roads?!!!!
Well, apparently, the FCC, EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE, acts like us mere non-gov humans that don’t know what the hell we’re doing without Daddy to guide us. It seems that the FCC looked around the communications super highway and noticed, dude, wait…..there’s like something missing.
Yeah, there was something missing alright. Let me just interject a random factoid, an INTERESTING FACTOID (to borrow a phrase from Olive on Ant Farm, a show I was semi-forced to watch with my daughter when it was a thing). So here I go in my best Olive voice (video inserted to give you an idea of what I’m trying for):
INTERESTING FACTOID! Did yooooou know that the LAST Western union telegram sent in the United States happened in 2006? Yep, it was Al Gore, the father of the Internet, signaling the death of the telegraph, which he was largely responsible for killing (since, like, he invented the internet, along with global warming….wait, did that bastard invent global warming too?! Ok, I’m going off-character here and I just hope no one noticed and I REALLY HOPE I didn’t write all this stuff going on inside my head out on this blog post).
Well YouTube let me down on getting a good Olive Interesting Factoid clip so here’s a clip of the actress talking about playing Olive (and then get RIGHT BACK to this iLULZ!)
Thank you Olive, Sierra, whatever…back to the iLulz…
So our brilliant Daddy guvnas over at the FCC looked around in the year…wait for it….wait for it…2013, and they realized, dude, telegraphs are no longer a thing. That Al Gore guy sent the last one in 2006. Olive told us (ok, so I’m totally making all this stuff up, but let’s just run with it).
So yeah, maybe, and we don’t want to be too hasty here, MAYBE we should like get rid of the….man…this part is SO PAINFUL FOR US TO SAY!
Take a deep breath, Daddy guvnas, and go ahead and say it….
Maybe we should…..deregulate it. Yeah. I SAID IT! I SAID THE D WORD!
Congrats Daddy guvnas of the FCC.
Now mind you, that was back in 2013, the same year that India sent the LAST TELEGRAM IN THE ENTIRE WORLD! It was by Ali Goraba (Dude, that’s…dude, nah, I didn’t write that so don’t blame me).
Well, it’s 2017 and guess what? The D Word IS HAPPENING (insert obligatory Ron Paul video here):
That’s right the FCC has just sent out a notice in the year 2017, 4 years after they noticed the telegraph was no longer a thing, 4 years after India sent the last telegraph, 11 YEARS after the US sent its last telegraph, that as of November of 2017 (Dudes, that’s tomorrow as of the writing of this iLulz) the telegraph will NO LONGER be regulated.
That’s the kind of mad skills at the communications highway management office that I expect from muh Daddy guvnas over at the FCC.