Donut Robbers Offer Sweets to Robbery Victims
Here’s the story, of three masked men, who were thinking of a robbery one night.
They thought hard about the target and then they said a donut shop sounded just right.
Yeah, I wrote those two opening lines to the theme song of “The Brady Bunch,” and I sure hope you got that and sang along with my glorious re-rendition of a television classic.
So in this iLulz of the day, we have three masked men, but not no masked gals, and definitely no Mom and Dad Brady (because, yeah, they’re actually BOTH dead now, kids). Still, we have a wholesome story to tell in much the same style as a Brady Bunch Episode.
This story comes out of Houston,, which is in Texas, which my Houston friends remind me is now home to the World Series Houston Astros. Yep, I threw in a sportsball reference into this iLulz. FIGHT ME!
Houston police are on the lookout for three masked men who, as the opening lines of the iLulz suggests, were on the lookout for a robbery target and decided to choose a donut shop. In an effort to find the donut shop robbers, the Houston police decided to share the surveillance footage of the crime taking place.
The video shows three masked men going into the shop, with one of the masked men letting the world see that yes, indeed, he does have a gun. The gun-wielding masked man targets the cash register and immediately relieves it of its monetary burden. Meanwhile, one of his fellow masked men donut shop robber pals decides, hey, why stop at money? So he takes cell phones from two donut shop customers. Yeah, that’s freaking rude. I hope he at least emailed their memes back to them. Meme theft is NO JOKE kids.
Once the phone thief successfully acquires the phones, he then appears to talk to the customers. I’m really hoping he’s telling them that their memes will be emailed to them, because otherwise, yeah, I could really get upset about this (memes are life, don’t you forget it).
While Mr. Meme Robber (yeah, that’s what he is to me, DON’T JUDGE!) checks out the Donut-tastic display before him, the other two masked men donut shop robbers proceed to take stuff from the employees. But at least these guys were not robbing meme-stash storage devices (which is all a freaking cell phone is anyway, let’s be honest).
Now, here, here is the time when we enter into the iLulz part of the story. Picture if you will the bumbling stumbling soundtrack of a scene from the Brady Bunch, maybe one where Cindy is about to fall down a flight of stairs (I don’t know if that every happened on the show, but, so long as no actual Cindy was harmed in the making of the show, that sure would have been funny to a lowbrowian such as myself).
With that music in the back of your mind, take in the image of Mr. Meme robber offering to the customers various and sundry sweets from the Donut shop counter. See? It’s a Meme robber with a heart of gold, a freaking heart of gold. This is when you get a close up of Mr. Meme Robber and that aww shucks smile comes over his masked face, with his shoulders gesticulating in that aww shucks way, then the laugh track smacks you hard in the face and the credits come up. Better yet, a “to be continued….” Sign comes up.
Then you see scenes from the next episode of the Brady Bunch, which is now renamed the Donut Robin Hood Bunch, and the narration says, “Next week, on a very special Donut Robin Hood Bunch Episode, the Bunch learn the lesson that robbing people of their memes of production is not cool.”
The moral of this story? Never look a gift donut in the mouth, even if it just stole your meme-stashing device.