Two Youths Make Daring Escape (Not Really) After Absconding with Dollar From Deli
So you’re walking along with your buddy on a fine autumn afternoon in Brockton, Massachusetts and your buddy says to you, “Hey, you wanna see a magic trick?”
And yeah, sure, you’ve been pounding some pints (do they pound pints in New England, I’m thinking they do) so helz yeah, you wanna see a freaking magic trick.
So you tell your buddy, because you always say what comes into your head, “Helz yeah, I wanna see a freaking magic trick.”
Your buddy reaches into his pocket and appears to be looking for something. He tries his left pocket, his right pocket. He tries his back pocket. He doesn’t have a coat pocket because he’s not wearing a coat even though it’s a bit nippy (because the pints keep you warm, dontcha know).
He appears desperate, but then his face gets calm and he says, “dude, you got a dollar?”
So you proceed to do everything your buddy did except this time you sort through your hoodie pockets too because, well, you really don’t like the nips even if you got pints pounded down deep in you.
Ok, so that’s scenario one for our iLulz of the day. And now, scenario two.
You’re at your buddy’s house and you’re both tearing it up on Madden, as a team. You get a little cocky and you challenge Team I Own You So Don’t Try Me Or I’ll Destroy You, because that’s what you do after you crush a few newbs online, you go for the killers.
You’re pretty cocky so you decide to make a bet with Team I Own You So Don’t Try Me or I’ll Destroy You. You say to them if they lose, they gotta post a snap chat of each of them taking the cinnamon challenge. This is funny because the cinnamon challenge is so 2015, so not only will these guys be coughing up their snots, they’ll be looking incredibly lame doing so.
They come back with their own challenge, if you lose, you have to go out and rob a store, but you have to steal…JUST. ONE. DOLLAR.
So these are two possible scenarios. After I describe to you the scenarios that fit the crime that made it into the iLulz of the day, maybe you can write me at email@example.com and give me your own possible scenario for what led to this wonder crime.
According to Brockton, Mass Police, two dudes, allegedly between the ages of 15 and 18 (though they could have been older, because I like my first scenario better) went into the Brockton Market and Deli yesterday, Wednesday, October 18th, 2017, and they went straight for the cashier.
The two youths (let’s call them youths, remembering, of course, that youths could be as old as 21 so they could still have been pounding pints), approached the cashier with large “hunting-style knives.” I guess each one of them had one of these here “hunting style knives,” so wow, that’s an insane visual right there.
The two youths bold demanded that the cashier hand over all of the money in the till. Just kidding. If they did that, would this be an iLulz? The answer, of course, is helz noze!
The two youths demanded that the cashier hand over…one dollar. One dollar is what they wanted. For some reason, this makes me think of the newspaper boy in Better Off Dead that kept chasing John Cusack around for the whole movie to collect the two dollars Cusack (well, his character) owed him.
Here’s the video so you get my reference if you’re not as old as me since that is an 80s movie that doesn’t get the regular rotations:
The two youths got the dollar and then took off for parts unknown. They are reported to have been between the ages of 15 and 18. They were described as being “Hispanic,” with one donning a red sweatshirt with a white shirt on top of it (layered look, bruh, don’t judge), and the other wearing a white hooded sweatshirt (we’ll call it a hoodie because that makes for the visual set up in scenario one of this story).
As of this moment, no arrests have been made in the great dollar heist of 2017, none, not a one. These youths are roaming the streets, free, wielding their “hunting-style knives,” probably looking for that two-dollar newspaper boy from Better Off Dead. I bet they owe that kid a dollar and that’s why they did what they did.
Wherever you are, you brave “hunting-style-knife” packing youths, I sure hope you did it for the lulz, because I wrote this article…for the lulz.