A non-Florida man tries to escape paying a restaurant tab by calling in a bomb threat
Primanti Brothers, Barry Clapperton, Pittsburgh, Restaurant Tab
From Our “This is Not Florida Man Files” comes this story from Pittsburgh, PA.
Sometimes, you’re just not able to keep tabs of your tab. Sometimes, you write checks that your sober self just can’t cash. Sometimes, you eat yourself into a debt hole that you just can’t eat yourself out of. Let me offer this caveat, which I feel I must do for every story like this. The man in this story is NOT a Florida man, though our crack team of researchers (me, just me) is hard at work trying to see if there are any connections between the man in this story and Florida. Now, back to the story.
Well, sometimes, when that happens to you, inspiration can bloom, creativity can blossom, innovation can take flight for, as they say, necessity is the mother of invention. We’re talking about a 40-year old Pittsburgh, PA man maned Barry Clapperton. This man had a problem, perhaps an eating problem, but definitely a debt problem.
Clapperton was dining at the fine eating establishment of Primanti Brothers. Well, Clapperton hit the brothers’ establishment, chowing down on undisclosed food items, and then, when it came time to pay, he appeared not so ready to come through with the expected offer of payment for services and goods rendered. This is all according to a report from the Pittsburgh Police. That’s right, there’s a report involved, so you know it’s gonna get interesting. Plus, this is our iLulz of the day, so you know some weird stuff is about to happen.
Now, I, of course, am not given to stereotypes, so let me assure you that any stereotypes perpetuated in this article are purely coincidental. HOWEVER, what on earth would compel someone to not pay a tab to a place with the name Primanti Brothers? I can just see brother one of the Primanti Brothers (or maybe brother two, or three, I don’t know how many freaking brothers there are), approaching the Godfather with a little complaint. This Clapperton dude, he ain’t paying. I hear more words, I see kissed rings. I see a bad outcome for Clapperton.
But I digress, as I am wont to do in in an iLulz.
Clapperton decided that it wasn’t enough that he wasn’t able to pay the bill. Nope. He was gonna let his IMAGINATION bloom. According to police (so remember folks, this is all ALLEGEDLY) Clapperton had the nerve to continue to refuse to pay the tab at the brothers’ Primanti until the brothers, or someone representing them, decided dang nub it enough is enough! So they called the police, which was actually a better outcome than the potential one I outlined above with the kissed ring thing.
This is when it gets real interesting, this is when you get your payoff for patiently wading through my superfluous verbosity in the earlier paragraphs of this fine story.
The police arrived and questioned Clapperton. Now, here is where the story appears to be missing some key details which, no, I will not imaginatively fill in. The story goes that the police were questioning Clapperton and were going to let him leave, but then a bomb threat was called in to a nearby restaurant. Who made the bomb threat? Clapperton, ALLEGEDLY, according to police, made the bomb threat to distract the police, the police who were going to let him go.
Now, I’m no genius, but if the police were questioning him, and he still managed to make a bomb threat with them present, I’m thinking maybe there’s some details missing here that explains how the heck that happened. Our Pittsburgh man, Clapperton, apparently was now facing detainment in light of the false bomb threat, which is like terroristic or something. He did not appear to be happy about this because, according to the police, eventually they had to use a stun gun on Clapperton after he took off running out of the restaurant.
The only thing this story is missing is the reveal at the end that Clapperton’s home state is actually Florida and he’s really only in Pennsylvania visiting. As a native Pennsylvanian, I sure hope that turns out to be true.