“Stranger Things” Spoiler Backfires on Hapless Undank-Meme Creating Cop

Officer’s Efforts to Be Hip Turn into Yet Another Lame Police Department Social Media Prank

Somewhere in America, a police officer sat, alone, in the dark, or, well, in a poorly lit room (it’s gotta be poorly lit, for the dramatic effect).  Sitting in front of that police officer was a computer monitor, taunting him, imploring him to DO SOMETHING.

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The officer thought about the years and years of in depth training he received at the academy on social media management.  He pictured in his mind his Social Media drill sergeant, Sergeant NotaPepe.  Sergeant NotaPepe was a no-nonsense kind of lady.  She did not suffer fools, or trolls, and she surely didn’t cotton to no troll behaviors coming from her officers.

One officer mistakenly posted a Here Comes Dat Boi  Meme on his Police Department Facebook page.  The meme was imploring people to trade in their guns for dank memes, or, as Sergeant NotaPepe called them, may mays.  Yeah, you don’t do the may mays under Sergeant NotaPepe’s watch, but this officer did.

The officer was escorted, or rather dragged by his proverbial, if you get my drift, out into the hallway.  The classroom door shut.  There was seen flashes through the little classroom door window.  There was heard faint whimpers.  Then, it was over.  Sergeant NotaPepe returned, but the meme-making officer did not.

This was the memory that played on one side of our bored officer’s head, the one sitting, right now, somewhere in Michigan, staring at that screen.  This was Sergeant NotaPepe’s voice, the Kermit without the hoodie, telling the officer, “No, you are to reflect professionalism at all times.  Do NOT give in to the urge to come across as current and hip because you’re just gonna come off as looking pathetic and lame.”

Yes, the unhoodied Kermit was strong in this one.  But then, there was the hoodied Kermit, the one in the shadow of the hood, the one who said, “Dude, it’s may may time.  Post a gif.  Make it happen.  Spread the good news of following muh laws with the may mays.”

And so the East Lansing Police Department social media officer went forward.  He scrambled in his brain to find something witty, something current, something that would make the cops look like they were just a bunch of fun-loving fellow trolly may mayers and not enforcers of arbitrary laws using the threat of lethal force.

He pondered his inner hoodied Kermit and let loose the dogs of may may.  Out of his brain came a  “Stranger Things,” a gif of a girl pondering a waffle.  And then, he added this commentary, “We’ve taped Stranger Things spoilers all over the walls of our jail this week. Some extra motivation for you to not end up there.”

Holy lameness, he did it!  He broke the freaking interwebs with his may may lame-osity!  As could be expected, the social media officer on Twitter was immediately trolled back, and hard, with one twitter user responding that now they needed to get arrested to find out if this may-may-making bored officer was actually for realz or if he went ahead and lied straight to the public in the name of muh may mays.

Turns out, the officer was lying.  He sheepishly, lamely responded, and I’m paraphrasing here for dramatic effect, “Dudes, we like…we made it up.  Please find us hip and funny.  Please don’t hate us because we enforce arbitrary laws.  Please don’t hate us because we lock people up for smoking a damn plant.  Please don’t hate us because we have quotas that incentivize us to FIND WAYS to fine you, ticket you, or arrest you.”

Well, your make-believe Sergeant in Social Media Academy, Sergeant NotaPepe was right.  You came across as pathetic and lame.  Now, go back to your cold, flickering screen and bury that hoodied Kermit real deep, really really really deep, because there’s only ONE THING that is almost as bad as a cop with a quota, it’s a cop who creates un-dank memes.  Your momma should be ashamed of herself, I know I’m ashamed for her.

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About Paul Gordon 1367 Articles

Paul Gordon is the publisher and editor of iState.TV. He has published and edited newspapers, poetry magazines and online weekly magazines.
He is the director of Social Cognito, an SEO/Web Marketing Company. You can reach Paul at pg@istate.tv